Establishing Goals in Marriage and Dating Relationships

Sometime ago, I spent a few weeks counseling a couple that decided they wanted to honor God and their future marriage by waiting until they got married to have sex. My husband and I chatted with both of them individually and together. We pointed them to a lot of scriptures and committed to pray for them during this time. They had been struggling to keep their commitments to God and one another. Fortunately, they decided to reach out for help.

Any time you are in a romantic relationship with someone, you should certainly have clearly defined goals, boundaries and expectations.

Here is what I counseled my friends:

1. Come to an agreement about what your goals. For them, it was to abstain from sex. We counseled that instead of making a bunch of rules about where not to touch, or what not to do, to focus on purity. Even if you are married, focusing on purity in your relationship is very important. We told them to make their relationship with God a priority and do things to please and honor Him.

2. Decide how you plan to accomplish the goals. With our friends, we gave them some way to accomplish their goals of staying pure. We encouraged them to stop spending time together by themselves, unless they were in a public place. They were very prone to going off someplace alone, and that is when they struggled the most with their commitments. In your marriage relationships, this is also important. Whenever you have a goal, decide how you plan to meet that goal.

3. Hold each other accountable and ask others to help as well. It is very important that none of us live in a bubble. Whenever you isolate yourself from other people, problems will occur in your relationships. In regards to meeting goals, it is important to involve other people. For any of us to be successful, we must have accountability of some sort.

4. Know that you might fail, and be forgiving of each other when you do. All of us are going to mess up at some time or another. If you have ever tried to diet or exercise, then you’ll know how easy it is to fail at meeting your goals. Instead of putting yourself or your significant other down, accept the failures. Be forgiving of yourself and one another.

5. Work together as a team. Establish in your mind that you and your romantic partner are a team. You aren’t working apart from one another, but with each other to meet the goals you have set forth.

Establishing goals and making commitments in any relationship, but especially romantic relationships, will help the relationship to grow stronger. Building stamina in a relationship by making commitments and keeping them, will help a relationship be healthier and strong. Not only that, it will withstand time.

Please feel free to visit me at Love Hope Adventure where I explore other issues in the marriage relationship. I also talk about home life and explore recipes and DIY craft projects.